Guilt

Guilt is a disgustingly funny thing. Sometimes, it is so opposite of humorous that we must laugh, even though we hate ourselves for it.

It is such a dreadful, egregious, heavy emotion, one that weighs down our shoulders over time until our feet drag on the sidewalks, our shoulders touch our knees from the disfiguring effect of bearing such an emotion.

Guilt is used as a tool of manipulation by others. However unkind, it is common knowledge, and practice, to use it as such. What we fail to realize, however, is that we are more often manipulated by ourselves than those around us. How often do we see a statement and worry whether it was meant to make us feel at fault for an action, when in reality it was a joking comment? And, playing the other side, how often do we see pleas for help from ones we have wronged, and brush off our shoulders, feeling nothing? You cannot feel guilty unless you care, theoretically.

So that leaves the question, is your guilt proportionate to how much compassion you hold toward another? If you hardly know the person you have hurt, will you hurt more or less when you realize what you have done than if the same crime were against someone you love with all of your heart? Some would argue that you would feel more for the one you know less, for example, because you have small chance to make recompense. But say you hurt the person you love with all of your heart, and not just once, but in the same way over and over, only to be forgiven every time? How long would you haunt yourself until you let it go? Do you have to wait for their forgiveness in order to for you to forgive yourself, and if they do so repeatedly, how do you compensate for their continuous faith in your relationship? The answer is usually simple. Time, work. It is simple, but not easy, and can only be implemented as long as the second party remains close enough to feel the effect.

Sometimes it is easy to forgive and forget, to hope that someone will eventually forgive you for inconveniencing them. Then again, sometimes when we should forgive and forget, our unending enemy, pride, will not let us merely let go and move on. Instead, we hold on all the more firmly to the frayed threads we still have and allow ourselves some reason to be unhappy. This being said, is there ever really evidence that another person guilts us any more than we guilt ourselves? Can we only be beguiled into negative feelings if there are any to be brought to shore? Food for thought.