I am someone who likes to know people up close and personal style. I believe that true friendship lies in the ability to confide with another. But not everyone is willing to dish out their lives' 'black lagoons' to just anyone. Especially not me. I don't like to tell people about my personal life, especially my love life. It makes me very uncomfortable to talk about myself in any other way than just shallow small talk. There are very few people in which I confide more than that, and only one person who I have ever told everything, but people tell me things. I tend to be the one people come to for advice, to blow off steam, to get a hug. Or, I used to be.
These days I find myself becoming more and more of a stranger to those friends I used to hold dear. My two best friends are now some of the people to which I talk the most seldom. I'm still the advice-girl, but not nearly as often, and not on such a personal basis.
I'm beginning to think that my being so closed-off to the people around me is causing me to give up chances for close connections. The phrase, "Once burned, twice weary" seems to be a dominant phrase in my lifestyle. I'm not fake, I don't pretend to have everything perfect and California-Sunshine happy 100% of the time, but I just refrain from telling people about my life. I don't talk about home to many people, I rarely talk about boys with my girlfriends, and even then it's usually about their boys, not mine. I don't like expressing my true feelings on many topics, because I feel that it is unnecessary and irrelevant, and that usually, people wouldn't understand. I seem to think differently than my peers for some reason.
But apart from being closed-off, what happens when you think you're close to someone, and then find out that you really have no idea what they have going on in their lives anymore? If they are moving in a different direction completely, is it okay to keep holding onto threads to try and stay involved with their lives, when really you are no longer a prominent part, or do you let them drift away, and try to stop being jealous of all of the individuals that now hold more importance than you? It is so difficult to grasp at straws when you feel like you have no place to do so, and no effect when you do.
Which is better, letting them go even though you care more than you would like to admit, or holding on when the going gets tough?
Thought-provoking, Jules. In my experience, sometimes it takes a couple months of being away to realize how valuable these relationships are. A good relationship takes consistent, persistent work. Hard work.
ReplyDeleteTake Cassie and I for example: After high school, we drifted apart for a long time. We were close when I went to college at Central, but after I got married and moved away (and even a little while before then), we just stopped talking. A couple of years later, we realized how important we were to each other, for no real reason in particular, and we worked to get our friendship back on track. We both have to put something in, but now we're better friends than ever. I think our friendship required that break. It may hurt right now, but if you feel like your friendship is important enough to fight for, you should. And not passively. Actively. Work, Work, Work. It's worth it.
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